“decompose” – separate (substance etc.) into its elements; rot, decay.
In The Pocket Oxford Dictionary (1983) decompose is situated between décolletage (low-cut neck of woman’s dress or blouse) and decompress (relieve pressure on gradually).
I realise that I haven’t distanced myself from the events in my previous film. I cried in the toilet during break time after showing it at the Fictions brief. And this is why I would like to break it, to make it rot, to do something to it physically.
I know the next step: create a short edit to be projected and filmed with a Bolex camera. I find myself unable to open the editing software. I find the abuse scene incredibly disturbing and I feel ashamed of it. I went to Student Services to ask for guidance with regard to avoiding watching a rape scene in one of the films we’re due to watch in class, but I put an abuse scene in my film. I don’t think I realised the impact it would have on me and I don’t know whether it’s okay. How do people feel when they watch it?
I wonder what it will do to the narrative to film it in 16mm black and white silent film that’s been decomposed in some way. Rotted. I like that as a title.
Things I need to check out:
When can I film with the Bolex?
How long does it take to get a film printed?
Which substances shall I expose the negative to?